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I’m getting nervous about leaving again
I’m starting over and I’m trying to find what would make this time different
How to avoid new triggers and how to not distance myself
But all I’m finding are my permanent faults
I can never out run them
And what I’ve learned is I’m alone
This feels like learning a new language
A tongue I wish I could ignore
I’m forced moving forwards thinking “how many more times will I have to learn?”
Is this the cost of moving on?
A scorched earth past, I still look back, but how much more will I burn before I engulf myself?
Will you captivate me and make me realize what I’ve done?
Fall in love with me again and I’ll lose you once more
Because I can’t commit
I’m too invested in losing all of this
Forced to lament and regret everything again
I’m tongue-tied and overtired
Disappointed again at what I can’t mend
I don’t want to move on, but I hate looking back
I can’t stay here
It doesn’t make sense