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Finally, I got the courage to speak up today
It was a whisper, but it was a sound
An effort, which is more than I can say for you
I’m sick of watching this house ruin your life
There’s too many memories you can’t move from
Too many drugs
You can’t move on, but can I blame you?
How could I blame you?
I don’t want to
If I didn’t watch her die from innocent eyes
Just know I’d be motionless too
And now I’m emotionless too
But why stay?
What’s 20 years?
What’s one more day?
Just know I fear how that house ruined you would ruin me too
So I made a pact today
I hugged you goodbye and I told you
“to get your shit together”
and I left that house for good
Now I’m driving around my hometown
One hand on the wheel with the other on my phone
Writing this all down because it’s the only way I can right now
Because although the feeling will stick around
The truth is I’ve got no one else to tell this to
I’m looking back on what I first wrote
“I almost stopped to write this down”
I’m a liar
I’m in a parking lot right now
Wishing things were different
I’m a liar
I’m not coming home
Who’s to say I can escape feeling this low?
I don’t know
I tried to remind myself that nothing matters
But I can’t
It just felt good to hurt again
If just for a second
I’ve been so let down and distracted for months now
And each time I write
I asked myself to change but I sit down and the problems are the same
But who’s to blame if I’m alone all the time?
The burden must be mine
I know I can’t change
Weighed down by selfishness
But this doesn’t sound like guilt
This is false contrition
It doesn’t hurt anymore to know I won’t change
I find comfort knowing no one’s listening
No use in hurting or trying to be perfect
I know I’m facing the worst and I deserve it