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Lower (a selfish song)

from Stranger Songs by My Fictions

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lyrics

At the start, I didn’t feel low enough
Your bed was unsettling and I was always a stranger
Now I’m clawing at my arms
Reminiscing to feel something
As far down as I’ve ever been and I can’t stop digging

I want to draw you down, I need you to feel low like me
Because I can’t escape, can’t stop burying
But I’ve adjusted well
I’ve come a long way from your holy place
Hiding below myself
Trying to reach hell

But now it’s cold in my bed, seeking rest
I’m distant again
And it hurts to reflect past midnight in an empty pitch-black room

The candle burned out
I can smell the smoke as I’m cringing through another painful realization
Another night sorting out the truth
Telling you that I loved you was just another way I disappointed you

I know that now when I think about avoiding your eyes
I just hate how we died
I didn’t say goodbye
I’m rejecting all my past standbys
No more sympathy for old lies

I’m trading “how could you?”
For the new “you did what you had to do”
I lost sigh
I pay the price
I’m a dying dog on his way to the shed

Staring into the sky
Don’t give a fuck what’s next
I don’t care
Can’t see it

credits

from Stranger Songs, released July 1, 2014

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My Fictions Boston, Massachusetts

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